Was in the grocery store the other day masturbating. Or buying food, one of the two.
Anyway, a dude in front of me was buying a shitload of candy and there wasn’t snow on the ground so I figured either easter was upon us or a diabetic wanted to go out happy. A few friendly questions and I discovered it was the former rather than the latter.
Chocolate-coated bullet dodged.
Anyway, I really do have a point I swear.
So I started talking to the clerk about easter as he was ringing up my stuff, and I shall impart what I said to him (which he agreed with).
Easter when I was growing up, how shall I put this… creeped my shit bigtime.
It’s a big happy holiday with chocolate and games to celebrate the gruesome torture of jesus, who was supposedly the only guy who ever lived that didn’t have it coming. It’s like the worst thing that could ever possibly happen according to the christian scheme of things in which I was raised. An absolutely innocent (not just run-o-the-mill “innocent”) person is denied water in the desert, then when he asks for a drink is made to drink bile. Is beaten during his trial (slight miscarriage of justice), and skipping some steps, basically tortured until he can no longer walk, then nailed to a piece of wood, has his legs broken, is impaled with a spear and then if he was still alive, left to die in agony.
But hey, we came out on top, he did it for us. YAY! Super-awesome. Lets call this good friday and have a party in remembrance of it!
Fucked up stuff man.
I remember watching the movie Sister Act when I was little, they sang the song Oh Happy Day. It goes:
“Oh happy day…”
“Oh happy day…”
Alright, with you so far.
“When jesus died…”
Wait, whoa back up…
“And washed our sins away…”
Ah, see, if something benefits you no matter how horrendous it is to someone else it’s a good thing.
Like if your best friend gets run over by a bus, then sort of flops around on the pavement in a mangled heap for 20 minutes and then dies begging the EMT’s to kill him, but the next day you find out you inherited the winning lotto ticket in his pocket and get a million dollars, then it’s not at all in poor taste to call that day AWESOME tuesday and get drunk and go to the strip club in remembrance each year.
Not even a little morbid.
What’s even more fucked up is that an atheist, who doesn’t even believe jesus exists anymore (and possibly never did) has to point out how demented and offensive to one’s sense of right and wrong this is, whereas christians who claim to love the guy and think he’s watching over them generally don’t seem to have a problem with it.
Lets see – rec’ this if you were ever creeped out by the premise of easter, or if you find it a little creepy now. Or like the blog or want to sex me.
I will of course take all recommendations from females as the last one : P