Why Women Like Asshole Guys (And Not Nice Guys).

Someone did a blog about how there really are nice guys but girls aren’t interested in them romantically so they shouldn’t complain about there not being nice guys etc.  “Nice guys finish last” is a cliche.  Here’s my response which I thought was blogworthy:

Many men are abusive, hot and cold running shitbags. They get women pregnant and have kids. They then shit on their kids and their daughters, like every abuse victim, take the blame for the relationship onto themselves as a coping mechanism and try in vain to fix the relationship with the creep father, until they realize that they can’t or don’t want to. But they have so many unresolved feelings they are drawn to other creeps who remind them of their fathers because they can project their unresolved feelings onto them, then if they fix the relationship, get forgiveness, love, respect, attention, whatever, then they can finally resolve years of built up shit. But those guys are shitbags too, so they go from one shitty relationship to another and overlook guys like you because as nice as you are nice isn’t what they need (well actually it is but their subconscious mind is retarded). What their subconscious mind thinks it needs is a piece of shit who can treat them badly and then apologize and reform and love them. Preferably while riding a unicorn.

About agnophilo

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12 Responses to Why Women Like Asshole Guys (And Not Nice Guys).

  1. Mikke3vArt says:

    although i see your point, the reason i think this person is probably not getting any feedback is because they are also looking for the wrong type of person for themselves, or they aren’t really a nice guy. I’ve dated plenty of nice guys, plenty of douche-bags. most guys who claim they are the “nice guys” have something about them that totally turns a girl off, or they go for girls who would never be interested in their kindness. 

  2. Honestly, gross generalizations like that drive me nuts. The whole “women don’t like nice guys” thing is bullshit. The guys who say that, who proclaim themselves “nice guys” think they are entitled to have any woman they want, just because they think they are nice. My experience is that the guys yelling about how nice they are, really, they aren’t so nice. And even if they are, it doesn’t mean that any woman they want is automatically obligated to reciprocate. To think women owe them that is stunningly arrogant, and that alone suggests they aren’t so nice.Also, none of those “nice” guys talk about how attractive they are. Or aren’t. Because it’s ok for men to base their relationships solely on what a woman looks like, but women aren’t entitled to have a preference for men they find physically attractive. 

  3. Hunt4Truth says:

    Where did I put my cure for this problem? I’ll find it. It took a lot of thought. It may be on one of the other computers even… not that this isn’t useful. At least you are thinking about girls.@QuantumStorm – cute outfit. The Wiki is intersting but shallow.

  4. Nous_Apeiron says:

    I really enjoyed that closing line to the post.  I laughed pretty hard at that bit.  Thanks for brightening my evening. But on a serious note. the truth is that most women prefer men who exhibit both the dominance/aggressiveness traits typical of men we usually label “assholes” and the agreeablenessaltruistic traits typical of men we usually label “nice guys” while also being attractive enough in the sense of hitting a few key genetic triggers which women instinctively recognize as indicative of good health and good genes.As you point out, a woman’s life circumstances can certainly lead her to value some of those traits more highly than others and thus select mates who do not exhibit healthy balance in those traits.  I think that there are certainly some demographic trends which tend to help foster the perception that women prefer “assholes” over “nice guys” as a general rule, though as @QuantumStorm pointed out, the research indicates that the perception is significantly incorrect.I tend to think that the “nice guy” v. “asshole” dilemma is a false one because it’s just a massive oversimplification.  Most men exhibit both the sets of traits associated with “assholes” and the set of traits associated with “nice guys” to some degree.  It’s probably much more useful to view men as existing on a spectrum at the ends of which are the extremes of the “asshole” who abuses women and the “nice guy” who lets them abuse him.Fortunately for both of those extremes and the continuation of our species, plenty of women seem entirely willing to settle for far less than a metaphorical unicorn who has a healthy balance of desirable behavioral traits and indicators of good physical health.

  5. PPhilip says:

    There are guys who spend money and give women some interesting dates but if certain aspects are creepy then yeah they get rejected.What aspects are creepy? Maybe there is not much of a conversation or the topics are not interesting. Some guys grab at women too soon and some just sit on their side of their chair. It is very hard to say what some “nice” guys lack but definitely some physical actions just don’t have that “chemistry.”Then there are women that are too fussy. You might not have enough potential, might not have enough looks or have enough social sense. Hey  a very fussy woman could make anyone think something is wrong with themselves.

  6. Know your Greek mythology. You must be a virgin to see a unicorn.

  7. angys_coco says:

    @EmilyandAtticus – I agree with you. You have said it well. 

  8. layhomeopath says:

    I agree with Agno – i have seen this played out numerous times! Sometimes the relationship seems to become addictive for the young woman, and everyone around her is like – “HUH? ARE you kidding me?”  Some young women seem to just NEED to have someone, anyone…  I think what they need is to be ‘single’ for a while, and learn to be happier and content in themselves, and maybe read some pop psychology dating books. Some of them are really good!  LOL.

  9. Illypad says:

    I’ve spent the last half hour trying to track down a study I read a few years back (and really should have bookmarked) that found a link between a higher ratio of men to women and a rise in domestic violence and adultery. The study came down to “The more women there are the more men feel they’re replaceable and they more likely they are to treat them badly. In reverse, the less available women there are the less likely they are to be abused.”The study failed to explain China but did have a notation at the end that said something along the lines of “Not the norm in countries with a high preference for male children.”I cannot find the study and I desperately wish I had bookmarked it. Either way, maybe there just aren’t any nice guys. Sure, John and Joe think they’re nice guys but they’re really assholes. I’ve met them before and refused to go on dates with them both. Why? Because they think bringing roses makes them a nice guy but failed to realize they were misogynists and no rose could make up for a bad attitude.That all said and done, my husband is a huge asshole. It takes approximately five minutes of conversation for the average person to either fall madly in love with him or to walk away shaking their head while muttering about “That f’ing douche…” But he’s the sweetest person ever to me. Not all nice guys are nice and not all assholes are assholes to everyone.

  10. BobRichter says:

    You know, back when I thought I was a nice guy and girls didn’t go for that, I was a teenager, socially awkward, and to my eternal shame kind of a creep.Like I actually stalked a girl a little once kind of a creep.I got over it, and I’m nicer now than I was then. Understanding women turns out to be about viewing them as people and individuals and not as a class of targets. Divesting yourself of the cultural baggage you probably don’t even know you have is helpful too.Here’s a helpful essay from a fellow whose journey was longer and bumpier than mine:http://freethoughtblogs.com/crommunist/2013/01/09/i-was-a-nice-guy/

Speak yer mind.

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